Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish you could order shots online.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
