Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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