she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
