We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I forget how to act sober
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
