He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
