I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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