I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
