doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
