We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
