So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
