Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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