Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
