It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
