I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
