Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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