im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
