I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
