Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
