You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
