Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
