careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
