At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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