no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
