This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
