South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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