I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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