i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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