This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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