I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
