I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
