It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
