he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
