Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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