The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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