I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
