Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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