Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
