You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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