nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
