Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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