I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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