Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize