There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
