Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
