There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
