I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
