just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
