I wannas sexs uuuuu
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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