Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
