To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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