if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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