is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
